HOW TO TURN DOWN A GUY NICELY!

There's a particular paradox I face in my everyday life when I go out. Their are sometimes people that come and talk to me... I'm not suggesting these people or people who know me or recognize me but just everyday people who come over to say hello. 

 Especially if it's woman, I always feel a particular sense of admiration because I am always talking about how you should go and talk to people you shouldn't be afraid of making the first move, but there is always a moment where my initial admiration turns to fear. Now what am I afraid of? I'll give you a situation that literally happened to me last night. 

I was standing in a bar with a couple of friends, and two women who had initially seen us at the bar, then came to talk to us when we were standing in another part of the venue, We had this moment with them of eye contact at the bar so it didn't feel unnatural when they came over to talk to us, but there was a moment about three or four minutes in where it became apparent that they had no plans to leave that conversation any time soon. In other words if the three of us was standing there like this in this U-shape they completed the circle and stood there facing inwards and didn't alter their body language at all the whole time. You know when you feel like someone hijacked your conversation you were sort of really in the middle of something big and then they came in now that's not a problem because of course every time you go and talk to someone socially. Unless they're standing there in silence at that moment you are going to be hijacking a conversation and that's OK. 

The problem comes about when you show no willingness or predisposition to do your own thing at any point, and that was exactly what happened, so what first was this great all these new people coming to talk to us. Turns into this thing of are they ever going to leave or is this now we're with three in a relationship with these two people for the rest of the evening.

Whenever we tell a story about Ladies and it involves myself, everyone always wants to know what happened afterwards. That's always the thing that happens in their live seminar and they say what happened.

I will tell you at the end of this article, I'll tell you exactly what happened with these ladies, at the end of this interaction so stay tuned for that, but let's actually get to the lesson first. 

Ladies I know this is daunting thing when a guy does this to you, when a guy comes over and you think I am now stuck with this person and of course he's not alone his two friends are standing they're having a conversation between them but they're not really having a conversation they're looking over to see if their friend is doing a good job and then they can go and join him. You can't actually enjoy the interaction even if you're attracted to him. I mean that's the amazing thing, the worry they fear that someone is not going to leave actually stops you being able to enjoy the interaction itself. Not to mention the fact that attraction is based on this kind of push pull mechanism where you feel someone in your presence but then maybe you feel them leave or you might you at least feel them threatening to leave subconsciously, so there's always that feeling of wanting to keep them around, If they suddenly from the get go even though that you haven't really earned that level of attention turn into you and don't show any signs of either looking around the room talking to someone else at any point, you start to worry that this may be something that is going to be hard to walk away from. You never want to make someone feel like they have to make excuses in order to walk away from you and leave.

I know some of you are thinking that what I mean is when you're standing talking to someone you don't really pay them any attention you look over their shoulder and isn't that rude that's a horrible thing to do. Yes I don't really mean that, you kind of want someone to come over to you, and say something but also behave in a way that suggests that unless you do something to keep them around, they won't be there forever. You have to be interesting and charismatic in order for me to want to stay, so how do you do this in practice you might walk over there and start by saying Hi! But not position your whole body facing them, so if this person is facing me here. I'm not going to suddenly turn in and start looking at them like this, I might position my body slightly turned away and just say something from here. Hi how's it going, I noticed you over there, I might say something from that place. 

The second thing is don't be afraid, thirty seconds in a minute in two minutes in to turn back to your friend and start talking to your friend for a minute or two, You're not leaving the situation you're not going to the other side of the bar. You're still standing there next to them you have proximity. But you're talking to your friend again so the guys are here you are then turned away talking to your friend and saying Oh did I tell you about that thing the other day and you keep talking to them for a little bit.

The guy is now standing here are aware of I the fact that you spoke to them and therefore it's OK for them to keep speaking to you, but they're not just going to have you one hundred percent attention no matter what. They now have to be the ones to re-initiate, and this is a nice test by the way because you're now seeing if they actually are attracted by whether they’re-initiate or not. It's hard to see if someone is truly attracted if you never leave if you always standing there you never really get that gauge. One of the most useful tips I could give a guy for example; is to go and talk to a woman for ten seconds thirty seconds a minute and then turn away and keep talking to your friend. If she likes you, she's going to turn around and keep talking to you because she now feels she has a level of comfort, but you'll never really know how much she likes you if you don't give her an opportunity to re-initiate if you’re always the one who's driving forward. So give them an opportunity to re-initiate.

Ladies this is a great tip because you know men do like doing the chasing. It's not about letting him do all the chasing because if you just wait for him to come up to you, there's a good chance nothing's going to happen. He wants to chase, he wants to go on the hunt, but he wants to feel like there's going to be a chance of success if he does. So you coming over to him is fine, that's not a problem, but staying there and not giving him the chance to then re-initiate and chase you a little bit... that's a problem. You want to allow him that little bit of pleasure from coming off the you. That then creates attraction because he feels like part of now talking to you was his idea not just yours.

I feel like Jamison we’re clarifying something that we've never really clarified here, we're saying yes you can make the first move; you can go over to the guy, but don't then do one hundred percent of the pro-activity. Don't then be the one standing there... always be the one moving forward. You can actually remove yourself from the situation for a moment. By the way, one of the best things you can do is go have fun over there and then talk to more people and for them to see you talking to another group of people. Because then they're like oh they're not going to wait around for us all night. Just have fun and be that social butterfly, he's going to see you and think she's high value and it wasn't all about me and then he starts questioning himself. Maybe does she like me as much as I thought, is she into me, I'm going to find out and start being into her and see if she responds. You know I mean. You could go out tonight and then you're really using all of this. Have a little push and pull. Don't be over powering, just go in but then pull away a little bit. Don't be a leech, be a shark. Be the shark that circling around. In fact don't even be a shark, because that's sort of like you you're on this mission this hunt the whole time, instead be a dolphin because dolphins are fun. Their just chillers. You want to have not so much purpose.

So like I said be prepared to have one foot in your interaction and one foot out at the same time and go between that kind of push and pull effect, so you don't seem like you're too needy and stuck in that interaction. Now I know what you thinking, I know many of you have held on this long in the article to see what happened with these two women. Um, nothing we left and they went back to their lives and we went back to ours. Not every story has an interesting ending. I'll see you next time. Save